Uncertainty

"Maybe being lonely feels better than to hurt someone, though unintentionally..."

Gone

When you're dreaming with a broken heart










The waking up is the hardest part










You roll outta bed and down on your knees










And for that moment you can hardly breathe










Wondering was she really here?










Is she standing in my room?










No she's not










cause she's gone,










gone,










gone,










gone...










When you're dreaming with a broken heart










The giving up is the hardest part










She takes you in with your crying eyes










Then all at once you have to say goodbye










Wondering could you stay my love?










Will you wake up by my side?










No she can't,









cause she's gone,










gone,










gone,










gone....










Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?










Won't you get them if I did?










No you won't,









cause










you're gone...

by John Mayer

Hers

I still remember...

I hated Chinese, I still do. But back then I didn't realize that when I was in standard 1. Teacher used to give us homework to practice writing Chinese words and at that time I was one small little lazy fart. Didn't want to do it at all, but with the presence of a mother waiting for her chance to obliterate her son the moment he slacks... I believe a standard 1 would know how to think twice.

When you first start to hold a pencil after a brief period of holidays and you start to write your first Chinese word, it does shake a lil. Then the writing goes haywire, but of course to me that time it was considered masterclass. Mom used to do the house chores at night after she finishes cooking, and I would be sitting at the dining table self-indulging my stupid "masterclass". Whenever mom reaches the dining table, she would always take a peek at what the hell I was writing, and if not for the word example written on top of the page, I kinda believe she would never be able to figure out what I was writing.

That's when she would hid her laughter, took the rubber, rubbed off my art, and before I knew it, she wrapped her hand over mine. She was teaching me how to write. Neatly. Since my hand was secured around hers, I tried to trace the outlines of her palm.

It wasn't smooth, it wasn't soft, and I wasn't expecting that.

But something more abstract was under her palm, and I felt warmth and comfort in it. I felt safe, I felt that everything could never go wrong. It took me very long to figure out how did she do that (I'll repeat I was standard 1 and naive), but I was happy, in a very unexplainable way.

Before I could comprehend it, mom took away her hand, and said THIS is the proper way to write. I broke my stare from her and shifted my eyes onto the writing. I saw perfectness from the point of view of a standard 1. Every line of the word flowed smoothly, and every edge was neatly curved. Stunned didn't really describe the state of feeling I was in.

From then on, I always dreaded for the moment teacher would give more homework on writing. Then I'd wait for the moment she starts cleaning up the dining table..

And I'll ask her how on earth I was supposed to get every word written.

"Happy Belated Mother's Day mom, I love you."

Finally

So college started... 1st day wasn't that bad, 2nd day was abit bad, but the 3rd day which is today, was fun. Got to know loads of people today and I think it's really starting to kick in now. Went into my classroom for the 1st time today, 27 of us, 15 gals 12 guys. Unfortunately 1 girl switched class. Was kinda disappointed bout that but I think I'll be fine. Didn't expect to meet some of the sam tet guys back here taking the same course with me. Makes things so much easier now.

House is small and damn freaking hot. Staying with a girl from Melaka at the moment and the rest aren't back from their holidays yet. And this girl is also shifting out at the end of this month. Damn it... But I'm still ok with this place for now.

Time in college seems to past by really fast. Gotta learn how to appreciate every moment before I regret bout it. For the first time in a very long time, I don't feel that I'm all alone.

Hurt

I'll be leaving today.

To everyone who made an impact in my life, no matter big or small, I want to thank you all. You guys are the best. And as in "you guys" I mean every single one of you, no exceptions. For the very least you guys kept me going sane all through these years, and now I'm gonna have to find new ones to keep me from going nuts as well. I know I might have hurt some of you over these few years or made you guys worried over me, but that also made me realize you're the kind of friend money can never buy.

I'm really reluctant to leave, I have to be honest. I don't know what's in store for me and I don't know how is it gonna be like there, I guess in short you can say I'm just afraid of what's to come. I'm gonna miss my parents, I'm gonna miss my tennis dudes, I'm gonna miss the gang whom we always hang out with, I'm gonna miss my home, I'm going to miss everything. And it's gonna hurt alot. Well... I'm not the only one going through this shit I suppose, so at least that's something positive to think about.

Sigh... It(the sigh) doesn't really explain the mood I'm in, but giving it out does make me feel a bit better though. So... For those who're actually gonna miss me, I'll be fine, I think. I'll search my own way out if things get bad, although it might give me a breakdown over the course. Learning process =/

I'll take care, so should you guys. I'll work really hard, and so should all of you. That's it I guess, time to sign out. I'm gonna miss you guys. I want to say it again but it won't help.

Bye.

"Crying those tearless eyes."

Faker

"Clowns are weak. Because it's the mask they need to make people laugh. Because it's the mask they need to cover up their sorrow."






I make people laugh.

Fact

You wake up at 10

You get brushed up

You drive your car to the courts

You reach there at 11

You get people staring at you

You know that's because they can't recognize you

You see that big smile on their face after a good 1 second





and





You meet the people who once cheered for you

You meet the people who once cried for you

You meet the people who always supported you

You start to get greeted by everyone

You get compliments here and there

You keep hearing people saying how much you've changed

You keep saying thank you to them

You answer the questions they dump at you

You take pictures with them





then





You joke with them

You tease them

You poke them

You laugh with them

You watch them perform

You drive them out for breakfast/lunch

You tell them you're not able to come the next day

You know they just can't stand that to happen

You can't either

You go the next day anyways

You start the whole routine over again.





but at the end of the day





You know you're still alone.

Realize

WARNING:
This post might seem a bit long so if u find it essay-ish just don't bother continuing.
No apologies for that matter.

I know it's a bit late for posting up my Macau trip, but I was short on photos. The trip was dead fun, after all it's a first-timer... Had to reach KL the night before and stayed overnight at my aunt's place and the van took us to the airport the next day. You'll be surprised that I was stupidly naive enough to think that we were heading for KLIA, which in fact turned out to be LCCT =.=" Looked more like a bus station as opposed to an airport. (it's AirAsia we took for your info, and the air hostess' all sucked.)


So... The plan was to stay one night at Venetian then spend the next 2 days in Hong Kong and the last day back at the Venetian. Weather's very gloomy and cool, which is my kind of weather actually. The Venetian really gave us the "wow" mood. My cousin who works and stays there (Macau) gave us a quick route to our room and we were off for dinner. Dinner was Portuguese cuisine...

Next day was a walk to the nearby shops for breakfast and the egg tarts were good enough till everone wanted to buy them back to M'sia. Got to the jeti after that and we took the ferry to Hong Kong and shit did I get a good dizzyness on it =/ HK was really cloudy, or maybe it's the haze... It's packed with people there, compared to Macau which was really quiet and peaceful. Reached our hotel, which was kinda... small. Anyways, left our stuffs in the room and headed to the IFC mall, in my opinion quite a classy one. Dinner was authentic Chinese cuisine.






Woke up and went for dim sum. Have you heard of any dim sum shops which only opens up at 12 in the afternoon? =.=" Met that cute lil boy during our walk. Shopping was next after our meal and that was when all the cash started popping out here and there. Everyone bought something, I got myself quite a decent pair of Nike tennis shoes. Had the biggest wanton of my life for dinner and it sure tasted good. By night time we took a ferry over to Tsim Tsa Tsui (sounds stupid in English) and took a walk there. My uncle and aunty missed the ferry back and we had to wait for them for like 20 mins on the other side.We munched up the sweet potato we bought in Tsim Tsa Tsui which cost us 18 bucks. Wth?? Tasted not that bad though.





Went back to the jeti better prepared this time. Got us (me and Siow Lee) a seasick pill, which knocked us off for a good 1 hour and the moment we woke up we were already back at Macau. Everyone let off a sigh as we got back to the Venetian, which was really understandable since the room was close to 4/5 times the size of our HK hotel. Cousin asked us to take a walk to the swimming pool and took us a good 600 metres (inside the Venetian mind you) to reach the pool. When it was night time cousin and her guai po fren Jennifer took us to the beach for French cuisine.






Last day was kinda reluctant. Went to the Macau central and did ourselves a last good chance of shopping. Lunch was Italian cuisine and after that we had to bid our cousin and Jennifer goodbye... Damn that moment wasn't really a good one. Bought alot of biscuits and we were back at the airport.




All that said, I think I learned one really important lesson throughout the trip there. It's not about where and which part of the world you're going to, but with who you're going with. For me, that "who" is my family... And that's what made the whole trip one of the best moments of my life.

with love.

Disappoint

"Not because things don't always go the way you want it to be, but because they never did."

Grate

1. Thank you God for the life you gave and saving us from our sins. Amen.
2. Thank you dad for being harsh occasionally.
3. Thank you mom for giving me no mercy when I was a small lil fart.
4. Thank you bro for being one of the best in the world.
5. Thank you aunt B for being my second mom. May you rest in peace.
6. Thank you uncle Terence for loving aunt B.
7. Thank you John for always fighting with me.
8. Thank you sis Ee Lee for the lovely photo frame you made for us.
9. Thank you bro HH for the one we all looked forward to see coming home.
10. Thank you bro Kevin for your enthusiasm over chow tao fu.
11. Thank you sis Wai See for the effort on teaching me Maths.
12. Thank you little Kymberly for showering joy over us.
13. Thank you uncle Thomas for always going fishing with uncle Terence.
14. Thank you aunt Patsy for being there when I was broken.
15. Thank you aunt Leong for always laughing out loud with aunt B.
16. Thank you aunt Yee Sou for not giving up with your cancer.
17. Thank you Wei Wei for all the secrets we've shared.
18. Thank you sis Siow Lee for being the cousin I love and care the most.
19. Thank you Foo Zai for the walk we had last Chinese New Year.
20. Thank you Dai Yi for the smile and laughter mom never had to fake.
21. Thank you bro Ah Hou for marrying such a gorgeous wife.
22. Thank you ah sou Seline for entertaining me the air-hostess way.
23. Thank you bro Ah Geet for being always so quiet.
24. Thank you Yi Zheong for bombarding me with my lame exam results.
25. Thank you Kao Fu for always making the whole family laugh.
26. Thank you Mou Mou for the love you have over Kao Fu.
27. Thank you bro Ah Hong for making us proud of your dancing.
28. Thank you bro Ah Gin for being so fun to talk with.
29. Thank you sis Ah Nee for everything during the Macau trip.
30. Thank you Mama for the Mighty Dragon Whip. (for keeping us save)
31. Thank you sis Jeniffer for being the extra kaki to in-between.
32. Thank you aunt Suang for your pampering.
33. Thank you Denise for the playful times.
34. Thank you Deidre for crying all the time.
35. Thank you Denzel for being so annoying.
36. Thank you uncle Watson for the 3 lovely cousins.
37. Thank you uncle Hoong for being the joker.
38. Thank you Keong Zai for peeing on the sofa. (noob)
39. Thank you Yao Bi for the "yum lei geh tom(soup from a baby's lingua)".
40. Thank you aunt Kiang for asking me all the time which tuitions I go to.
41. Thank you uncle Chee Meng for the CD's you lent.
42. Thank you aunt Ying for asking me to stop playing and eat rice.
43. Thank you uncle Alvin for your willingness to take care of aunt Ying.
44. Thank you uncle Theng for not missing out on Chinese New Year.
45. Thank you grandpa Ah Gong for making me realize what a family really is.
46. Thank you Kimberly for being my besty.
47. Thank you Jia Ee for your iconic way of laughing if you haven't noticed.
48. Thank you Najib for your "firasat".
49. Thank you Nixon for hooking up on my cousin.
50. Thank you Ah Yang for going high on the Vietnam tennis babes.
51. Thank you Kent for being a really understanding friend.
52. Thank you Audrey for our ups and downs.
53. Thank you Melissa for crying the honest tears.
54. Thank you Denise for always running up to just to say hi.
55. Thank you Aaron for being The Macha weh~~

56. Thank you Ben for making me laugh till I suffocate to death.

57. Thank you Andrea for the crazy screams.
58. Thank you Jia An for being an asshole occasionally in a good sense.
59. Thank you Tarshini for being a fan of Michelle Branch.
60. Thank you Alex for the CONNECTION!!
61. Thank you Lizen for being my cute lil sis.
62. Thank you Jia Ru for being my ah sei.
63. Thank you Yan Qi for showing you really are feminine.
64. Thank you Ee Vonn for caring as a friend.
65. Thank you Pei Qi for screaming out the window at Tanjung Malim.
66. Thank you Han Zhou for your ham-supness.
67. Thank you Ee Zhou for your crazy obsession over helmets.
68. Thank you Seng Cheh for your cool doubles match during MSSM.
69. Thank you Jeannie for the fact that I can't get bored with you.
70. Thank you Wendy for that really really big smile of yours.
71. Thank you Cindy for scaring me with the Big Red Ants story.
72. Thank you Jonsen for driving me to imax all the time.
73. Thank you Jensen for your form 2 girlfriend.
74. Thank you Wei Meng for talking like a real businesswoman now.
75. Thank you Terence for training us with our stamina.
76. Thank you Jason for calling me a freakin lizard.
77. Thank you Keh Jun for that tight match we had.
78. Thank you Terry for being the Dai Gor.
79. Thank you Candy for that lovely voice. (not an offense at all)
80. Thank you Yee Wah for not trying to be more girly.
81. Thank you Pui Wai for that strong faith you have in God.
82. Thank you Pui Mun for being the coolest sis amongst the 5.
83. Thank you Pui Pui for always making fun out of me.
84. Thank you Pui Yee for being very Dai Kar Jie-ish.
85. Thank you Calvin for bullying Kim when she was young.
86. Thank you Mr. Lee for the "BEND YOUR BEAUTIFUL KNEES!!"
87. Thank you aunt Moi Tian for checking up on my times table.
88. Thank you Vin Shen for coming over to my place for PS.
89. Thank you Vivian for adding me in MSN all of a sudden.
90. Thank you Vinnie for fighting with Vin Shen all the time.
91. Thank you Keith for all the parties.
92. Thank you Yuen Yang for being so please-make-fun-of-me-ish.
93. Thank you Jing for being the sperm guy.
94. Thank you Jin for the "mou diu hui" semangat.
95. Thank you Chooi for the pic of you and the "chun" babe.
96. Thank you Shum for the "train went into the tunnel" crap.
97. Thank you Louis for being brave for the one you liked.
98. Thank you Lam for always not missing out for the parties.
99. Thank you Kei for letting us spend the night at your place.
100. Thank you Jensen for still being a really cool friend to me.
101. Thank you 5S3 for being the only reason why I loved school.
102. Thank you Wei Jie for the library times.
103. Thank you Khai Hoong for the OOG days.
104. Thank you Mun for the days we were together.
105. Thank you Mindy for proving people do get slim for no reason.
106. Thank you Suyen for teaching me how to link people.
107. Thank you Amanda for being so kind to me.
108. Thank you Yan Yee for your swts.
109. Thank you Jzin for sleeping in class.
110. Thank you Chee Ming for your crazy stuffs.
112. Thank you Jaye for sharing with me your problems.
113. Thank you Sue for the letters you wrote to me.
114. Thank you Mint for the Secret Recipe cake =.="
115. Thank you Becca for looking down on me so much.
116. Thank you Jian Hui for smsing me till so late.
117. Thank you Papa(2006) for being the inspiration to study.
118. Thank you Chang Fei for being the leader I respected.
119. Thank you Chang Yeu for being the REAL head prefect.
120. Thank you Papa(2008) for your advises through the year.
121. Thank you Sze for helping even if you think you didn't.
122. Thank you Yee Sin for the talk we had whole day that Friday.
122. Thank you Pui Pui for the gift you gave.
123. Thank you Wen Cong for trying hard.

"We are all innocent."

Limit

"If you're happy, I'm..."

My apologies for taking such a long time to post. Thing is, how are you ever gonna blog when your life is currently as good as your pencil box? For those who don't understand this, it is referring to those who are not in college, which also means when was the last time you even opened up your pencil box to check out what's inside? Get it??? ... Nevermind forget it...

After a bunch of failures regarding the attempts to get a scholarship, guess I've just gonna have to settle down with KTAR for now. I don't know whether I'm making the right decision by going there, but we'll just let God bring me where He wants me to be brought to. Gonna pick up A-levels, and still have no clue what's it like..

Went to KTAR the other day, and... I seriously don't know how to describe the place. I don't wanna judge it based on my 1st impression, which also means I won't be doing much comments on my soon-to-be-heaven-or-hell college. Found a few tennis courts, but not sure whether anyone ever plays there=/ Area's huge, guess walking around could as well be considered an exercise. No clues on where I'm staying at yet, gonna have to go down to KL to find em I guess... Let's pray really hard that I get a decent place to live in. After all we're talking about a year and half...

Not sure what's gonna happen, but... we'll just see how it goes I suppose. So... That's it for now.

Hope

*typing sound*












www.hotmail.com













tkt915@hotmail.com













**********













inbox(145)












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Sime Darby Scholarship
Status of Yayasan Sime Darby Scholarship Application
7:26 PM












*mouse clicking*












*heart beats faster*

Status of Yayasan Sime Darby Scholarship Application‏

From:	Sime Darby Scholarship
	You may not know this sender.Mark as safe|Mark as junk
Sent:	Thursday, 2 Apr, 2009 7: 26 PM
To:	tkt915@hotmail.com

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Tan,

APPLICATION FOR THE POSITION OF Pre-University Scholarship (Malaysian Applicant) ON Mar 17 2009

Thank you for your interest in the Yayasan Sime Darby Pre-University Scholarship 2009.

Although your extra-curricular activities and qualifications are remarkable, the competition has been very keen and we regret to inform you that you have not been shortlisted for the scholarship interview.

Once again, we thank you for your time and effort and we wish you every
success in your future academic endeavours.

Yours faithfully,
Yayasan Sime Darby

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You are receiving this email because you applied previously to the employer
through JobStreet.com. The employer is entirely responsible for this email content.
Report any abuse to policy@jobstreet.com.

This email message is confidential. If it was sent to you in error, please
notify the employer immediately.

".............."

"My smile is my make up."

"But I don't do make ups."

Still

"All the lonely people... Where do you all belong...?"

"We're trying to find out."

Perdon

Am gonna apologize for not posting since the past few days for 2 apparent reasons.

1. My life has been suckishly boring lately(not that i really hate being bored).
2. I was just too bloody lazy to post one.

For these 2 reasons, I can picture Mrs. Ong and her m'sia style of England accent saying, "You ought to be shot."

Bla.....Bla.....and a Bla again...

So I watched 2 shows yesterday ("Let The Right One In" and "Cloverfield") and I was completely blown away. I'll confess, that I always had a thing for vampires. And when they start to fall in love with humans, that's where the juicy part comes in... I guess I just love that forbidden relationship thing and their attempt to prove that different creatures can still coexist. But of course, it usually comes with a very high price to pay with. Crystal was right, a vampire movie of substance. Liked the sense of loneliness in the film. And I can safely say that it's the best vampire romance show I've ever seen, no ratings though... Getting the book will be a must.

Oskar (blonde boy) and Eli (vampire) on the bed. At the age of 12 btw...

The one thing I loved most about Cloverfield is, the CGI's just absolutely makes-you-go-speechless-ingly cool. I mean, bad-ass looking monsters carnaging a city with cool graphics, that I've seen quite a lot. But on a first-person view through a hand-held? That's called "Oh... my... son-in-law..." Not to mention there's Odette Yustman in it. Man... That guy's damn lucky to smooch her. Neways, loved the hand-held camera view which really amplified the suspense. One thing bout this show is that it's gonna leave viewers with a need to puke(if you can't stand the shaking, which I was unusually very comfortable with) and a bunch of questions, after all the producer is also the producer of Lost, now you know why... Watched it twice already and still getting the sense of awe in it.

Odette my goddess in bed, again... But this I'd love to hop in.

Coincidentally, both pics turned out to be in beds, and don't accuse me of being a pervert because of this.

Nevertheless to sum it up, they're undeniably the 2 of my most favourite films...

Noticed

So I looked through my profile a few times and... Damn... It's like I'm turning in to a sadistic or something =/ Nvm... I'll just make a shout out and say that, "I'M A COMPLETE NORMAL GUY WHO JUST LIKES TO COMPLAIN ABOUT EVERY SINGLE THING THAT SOUNDS OR LOOKS OR SEEMS OR FEELS OR TASTES RIDICULOUS, I REALLY AM!!!" *takes a deep breath* Ok, that should brighten up the blog a tiny lil bit i guess. Still waiting for the companies to reply my scholarship thingi, so for all those who have sympathy over this desperately-trying-to-not-turn-into-a-sadistic-idiot guy, please give him a little support. To vote, type V...O...T...E... 1111 and send it to... *slaps ownself*

Anyways don't worry Budsey(kinda still remember this name), it's not like you're the only person who gets jealous real easily all the time for no apparent reason. We should form a society and invite all members who feel jealous about stuffs and invade all the people whom we are jealous of. *someone call a 911 please before I completely lose control of myself* I'd better sign off before I become even more crazy.

"And I do feel loveless, I do..."

Idiots

Yes, I feel REALLY shitty today, and am in a shitty mood now... I don't wanna brag about why I got so shitty so I'm just gonna screw everything up that seems stupid to me. College is supposed to be fun so please stop trying to tell me about stuffs like college is stressful and college is boring ok? Just shut up. Government Us aren't my type so stop persuading me into them ok? Just shut up. I am having a holiday now and stop lecturing me about me playing whole day long and not doing anything ok? Just shut up. As quoted by Mrs. Ong, "Utter flamboyant thrash." I don't feel any better and I'm gonna stop writing... That's it for now.

Crap.

Forget

Got back from KL yesterday and was too damn tired to post a blog. Went to 1 Utama the first day Kent and I arrived... Bought a book at MPH titled "Just Like That" (Not gonna post what's the book about cause I'm too lazy for that, and I ain't apologizing for that matter). Anyways, I suppose this will be the last tourney as a junior already, was nothing near to my best performance, but at least I can say I'm contended. Talked a lot with Vim, Kheng Ghuan, Mel and Denise (or is it Dennis?). I noticed they're really good with socializing with others, very much unlike me =/ Met most of the players whom I haven't seen for a year already, and as expected everyone was as good as a beginnner. Get into college, and that's what happens...

During the 3 days there, the 1 thing I got bored of was everyone asking how I did in spm.. And I had to tell everyone over and over again which was kinda ridiculous. Funny thing is though, some even came up and congratulate me(which I totally don't deserve it) when I don't remember telling them my results... Btw... Things got quite a bit out of hand yesterday when someone came up to me (to sort of say goodbye) and started sobbing around, I guess because we weren't gonna see each other as often as we used to.. So... Got her a few pieces of tissue which apparently wasnt enough and left her there to get my luggage. Did no goodbyes, since it'll only make things worse for her. Quite the emotional type she is... Anyways that's it for now, damn hungry and have to eat before my body devoures me up.

Ideology

8A's, 9A's, 10A's, 11A's... Can't we ever get through the fact that spm just does not mean anything significant in our lives? That people should just forget about it and just move on? That the media should stop injecting stupid things like spm IS your life or death? "Screw it and you live like a shit for the rest of your life." ??!! Utter bullshit... Getting so sick of it. Got some spectacular results? Grats, move on； Got some crappy results? Guess what... move on as well. Cause sooner or later, people around you are gonna get bored and fed up of congratulating/comforting you while you continue to seek everyone's attention. Sigh...

Anyways, hanged out with Keith, Shum, Jing, Lam and Jin the whole of today. Yeah, we were a bunch of remorseful bastards. Had a quick McD lunch, went for dragonball, which in my opinion sucked like no other's business, imax-ed for 3 hours, went to ola-ola's for dinner, drove around rich-ass houses in Thompson Pines and that was it. Wasn't really into the stuffs we did after all... Guess it'll be a few days before it gets better. I'm tired, gonna sign off now.

"Grats to all SPMers, the very least for persevering..."

Nooblet

So I started facebooking today... hmmm... OKAY, laugh as much as you want, like I even give a damn about it. That's what you get when you're a newbie at everything... Anyways, my first impression about fb... It did look kinda messy and confusing and I had to practically dig myself here and there to explore around. Stuffs like wall-to-wall wasn't found in friendster so I'll admit I was a bit dazzled. Talk about kampung boy =/ Well... I'll just wish myself good luck in an attempt to expand my fb. That's all for now I guess. My brain's currently in a bloody numb state and I can't think of anything cause it's D-day tomorrow (like as if I could freakin control it). Good luck to all the desperate people out there.

Prologue

"Just 2 more days and results are gonna be out..."

"Yeah... And...?"

Let's all be honest ok, it's not like I really care what shit am i gonna get anyways... Point is, I don't even know what are the results for. Well, maybe just for the hope of getting some not-so-shitty grades so that there's hope to get some scholarships and hope to ease their(parents) burden and hope to make everyone happy and... Sigh... After all, cash is king in this damn world. Don't wanna think about how to react, dont wanna think about what to do next when the day comes...