Gone

When you're dreaming with a broken heart










The waking up is the hardest part










You roll outta bed and down on your knees










And for that moment you can hardly breathe










Wondering was she really here?










Is she standing in my room?










No she's not










cause she's gone,










gone,










gone,










gone...










When you're dreaming with a broken heart










The giving up is the hardest part










She takes you in with your crying eyes










Then all at once you have to say goodbye










Wondering could you stay my love?










Will you wake up by my side?










No she can't,









cause she's gone,










gone,










gone,










gone....










Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?










Won't you get them if I did?










No you won't,









cause










you're gone...

by John Mayer

Hers

I still remember...

I hated Chinese, I still do. But back then I didn't realize that when I was in standard 1. Teacher used to give us homework to practice writing Chinese words and at that time I was one small little lazy fart. Didn't want to do it at all, but with the presence of a mother waiting for her chance to obliterate her son the moment he slacks... I believe a standard 1 would know how to think twice.

When you first start to hold a pencil after a brief period of holidays and you start to write your first Chinese word, it does shake a lil. Then the writing goes haywire, but of course to me that time it was considered masterclass. Mom used to do the house chores at night after she finishes cooking, and I would be sitting at the dining table self-indulging my stupid "masterclass". Whenever mom reaches the dining table, she would always take a peek at what the hell I was writing, and if not for the word example written on top of the page, I kinda believe she would never be able to figure out what I was writing.

That's when she would hid her laughter, took the rubber, rubbed off my art, and before I knew it, she wrapped her hand over mine. She was teaching me how to write. Neatly. Since my hand was secured around hers, I tried to trace the outlines of her palm.

It wasn't smooth, it wasn't soft, and I wasn't expecting that.

But something more abstract was under her palm, and I felt warmth and comfort in it. I felt safe, I felt that everything could never go wrong. It took me very long to figure out how did she do that (I'll repeat I was standard 1 and naive), but I was happy, in a very unexplainable way.

Before I could comprehend it, mom took away her hand, and said THIS is the proper way to write. I broke my stare from her and shifted my eyes onto the writing. I saw perfectness from the point of view of a standard 1. Every line of the word flowed smoothly, and every edge was neatly curved. Stunned didn't really describe the state of feeling I was in.

From then on, I always dreaded for the moment teacher would give more homework on writing. Then I'd wait for the moment she starts cleaning up the dining table..

And I'll ask her how on earth I was supposed to get every word written.

"Happy Belated Mother's Day mom, I love you."

Finally

So college started... 1st day wasn't that bad, 2nd day was abit bad, but the 3rd day which is today, was fun. Got to know loads of people today and I think it's really starting to kick in now. Went into my classroom for the 1st time today, 27 of us, 15 gals 12 guys. Unfortunately 1 girl switched class. Was kinda disappointed bout that but I think I'll be fine. Didn't expect to meet some of the sam tet guys back here taking the same course with me. Makes things so much easier now.

House is small and damn freaking hot. Staying with a girl from Melaka at the moment and the rest aren't back from their holidays yet. And this girl is also shifting out at the end of this month. Damn it... But I'm still ok with this place for now.

Time in college seems to past by really fast. Gotta learn how to appreciate every moment before I regret bout it. For the first time in a very long time, I don't feel that I'm all alone.

Hurt

I'll be leaving today.

To everyone who made an impact in my life, no matter big or small, I want to thank you all. You guys are the best. And as in "you guys" I mean every single one of you, no exceptions. For the very least you guys kept me going sane all through these years, and now I'm gonna have to find new ones to keep me from going nuts as well. I know I might have hurt some of you over these few years or made you guys worried over me, but that also made me realize you're the kind of friend money can never buy.

I'm really reluctant to leave, I have to be honest. I don't know what's in store for me and I don't know how is it gonna be like there, I guess in short you can say I'm just afraid of what's to come. I'm gonna miss my parents, I'm gonna miss my tennis dudes, I'm gonna miss the gang whom we always hang out with, I'm gonna miss my home, I'm going to miss everything. And it's gonna hurt alot. Well... I'm not the only one going through this shit I suppose, so at least that's something positive to think about.

Sigh... It(the sigh) doesn't really explain the mood I'm in, but giving it out does make me feel a bit better though. So... For those who're actually gonna miss me, I'll be fine, I think. I'll search my own way out if things get bad, although it might give me a breakdown over the course. Learning process =/

I'll take care, so should you guys. I'll work really hard, and so should all of you. That's it I guess, time to sign out. I'm gonna miss you guys. I want to say it again but it won't help.

Bye.

"Crying those tearless eyes."

Faker

"Clowns are weak. Because it's the mask they need to make people laugh. Because it's the mask they need to cover up their sorrow."






I make people laugh.

Fact

You wake up at 10

You get brushed up

You drive your car to the courts

You reach there at 11

You get people staring at you

You know that's because they can't recognize you

You see that big smile on their face after a good 1 second





and





You meet the people who once cheered for you

You meet the people who once cried for you

You meet the people who always supported you

You start to get greeted by everyone

You get compliments here and there

You keep hearing people saying how much you've changed

You keep saying thank you to them

You answer the questions they dump at you

You take pictures with them





then





You joke with them

You tease them

You poke them

You laugh with them

You watch them perform

You drive them out for breakfast/lunch

You tell them you're not able to come the next day

You know they just can't stand that to happen

You can't either

You go the next day anyways

You start the whole routine over again.





but at the end of the day





You know you're still alone.

Realize

WARNING:
This post might seem a bit long so if u find it essay-ish just don't bother continuing.
No apologies for that matter.

I know it's a bit late for posting up my Macau trip, but I was short on photos. The trip was dead fun, after all it's a first-timer... Had to reach KL the night before and stayed overnight at my aunt's place and the van took us to the airport the next day. You'll be surprised that I was stupidly naive enough to think that we were heading for KLIA, which in fact turned out to be LCCT =.=" Looked more like a bus station as opposed to an airport. (it's AirAsia we took for your info, and the air hostess' all sucked.)


So... The plan was to stay one night at Venetian then spend the next 2 days in Hong Kong and the last day back at the Venetian. Weather's very gloomy and cool, which is my kind of weather actually. The Venetian really gave us the "wow" mood. My cousin who works and stays there (Macau) gave us a quick route to our room and we were off for dinner. Dinner was Portuguese cuisine...

Next day was a walk to the nearby shops for breakfast and the egg tarts were good enough till everone wanted to buy them back to M'sia. Got to the jeti after that and we took the ferry to Hong Kong and shit did I get a good dizzyness on it =/ HK was really cloudy, or maybe it's the haze... It's packed with people there, compared to Macau which was really quiet and peaceful. Reached our hotel, which was kinda... small. Anyways, left our stuffs in the room and headed to the IFC mall, in my opinion quite a classy one. Dinner was authentic Chinese cuisine.






Woke up and went for dim sum. Have you heard of any dim sum shops which only opens up at 12 in the afternoon? =.=" Met that cute lil boy during our walk. Shopping was next after our meal and that was when all the cash started popping out here and there. Everyone bought something, I got myself quite a decent pair of Nike tennis shoes. Had the biggest wanton of my life for dinner and it sure tasted good. By night time we took a ferry over to Tsim Tsa Tsui (sounds stupid in English) and took a walk there. My uncle and aunty missed the ferry back and we had to wait for them for like 20 mins on the other side.We munched up the sweet potato we bought in Tsim Tsa Tsui which cost us 18 bucks. Wth?? Tasted not that bad though.





Went back to the jeti better prepared this time. Got us (me and Siow Lee) a seasick pill, which knocked us off for a good 1 hour and the moment we woke up we were already back at Macau. Everyone let off a sigh as we got back to the Venetian, which was really understandable since the room was close to 4/5 times the size of our HK hotel. Cousin asked us to take a walk to the swimming pool and took us a good 600 metres (inside the Venetian mind you) to reach the pool. When it was night time cousin and her guai po fren Jennifer took us to the beach for French cuisine.






Last day was kinda reluctant. Went to the Macau central and did ourselves a last good chance of shopping. Lunch was Italian cuisine and after that we had to bid our cousin and Jennifer goodbye... Damn that moment wasn't really a good one. Bought alot of biscuits and we were back at the airport.




All that said, I think I learned one really important lesson throughout the trip there. It's not about where and which part of the world you're going to, but with who you're going with. For me, that "who" is my family... And that's what made the whole trip one of the best moments of my life.

with love.

Disappoint

"Not because things don't always go the way you want it to be, but because they never did."